One evening in early 2019, about 6 months after my husband had died and a couple months after my baby girl was born, I intuitively turned to art-making as a way to begin processing my feelings and my experiences.
Life was difficult in those days, and I was a swirling sea of confusing feelings, exhaustion, and overwhelm. I needed a way to tune in to what was actually going on inside of me – to comfort and soothe myself, to identify and acknowledge my feelings, and ultimately to learn to feel better in this new version of my life.
I decided to start a 100 day project that I called ‘100 Messages To Myself’. It was a way for me to commit to practicing listening to my inner voice and to show up for myself in a small, creative way each day for 100 days. It turned out this project would be a major creative and healing catalyst for me.
Every evening after my babies were asleep, I sat on the couch with my iPad or a sketchbook. I got quiet, I tuned my ears inward, and I waited for a message from my innermost self – the voice that wants nothing but the best for me.
Through listening, hearing a message meant just for me, and then drawing I was able to calm myself. To acknowledge where I was. To comfort myself. To figure out how I was actually feeling. To heal. I never had a plan. Each day was its own experience. I just had to show up and my inner self took over from there.
I didn't know how radically transformative making art this way would be for me. Making art centered around my own words to myself was a lifeline. It still is.
Sitting down to make art became a way to have a conversation with myself and to process the beautiful mess of my life. Because that’s what it was –– a big messy swirl of all sorts of emotions that were hard to sort out.
This was my way to untangle myself each day.
Many days now, it still is.