Y’all, being a mom and a working person is HARD!
Lately there just doesn’t seem to be enough time for anything, and everything is suffering. Do you moms out there know what I’m talking about? Like, everything in my life is getting about 50% of the attention that it deserves. Well, except Baby C of course – he gets 100% attention! But I feel bad because sometimes I’m counting the minutes until nap time so I can go get some work done and when I’m with him I’m just thinking about all the stuff that’s piling up. Is that terrible? That’s normal, right? Not always – there are plenty of times where he and I just have a blast together doing whatever we’re doing and I’m not thinking about other things (like at story time at the library, above!). But not always.
At the same time, most everything is good. Like, I am SO blessed, what am I whining about? Coen is thriving and will be one year old in just a few weeks (WHAT?! How did that happen?) I am so lucky that I didn’t have to go back to work when he was 6 weeks old, 12 weeks old, 6 months old… I’ve gotten to juggle work around him while being his primary caregiver. It’s been awesome. This kid and I are seriously bonded. He is hilarious and amazing and the cutest thing I’ve ever laid eyes on. It’s also been really hard. I work at home, and my work is right here all the time, calling to me. Showing me what’s not getting done. Ryan keeps telling me that I can’t do it all, but DAMMIT I WANT TO DO IT ALL. How do I let that go?
We are going to have a nanny for 10-15 hours a week starting in about a month, right here in our home, so I can get some more work done. I am nervous about it and am feeling guilty. I am hoping it will make me an even better mom when I’m with Coen and a better wife when I’m with Ryan, because I won’t feel quite so scattered. Fingers crossed!
So I don’t know. Things feel difficult lately. Not in a bad way; just in a scattered way. My to do list is a mile long every day and it’s frustrating not to be able to do everything.
Coen and I were out walking recently and there’s a school up the street that we were strolling around. I had a flash of dropping him off at kindergarten for the first time and started to tear up. That time will be here sooner than I can imagine, I’m sure. I am trying to savor this baby time and know that my work will be here, always. And really, I am getting quite a lot done for the limited time in which I have to do it. I’m just…… tired. And I can’t let myself off the hook with anything. How does a person change that about themselves?
I took an unintentional hiatus from my daily animal painting project (travel to Colorado, a baby with a cold who had trouble sleeping, other work obligations…), but I got back on track last night with Blue Jay:
My plan is to continue on through the end of the year and create a whole new crop of these paintings. It was really fun to send them off to their new homes, and I think it’s going to be fun to paint some new animals as well as new versions of some of the animals I’ve already painted. Follow along on Instagram if you’d like!
Here are some of the ones that were shipped out this week:
It was fun to see who chose which totem animals. :) Thank you to everyone who bought one (or multiples)!
I don’t mean to just whine and complain today. I’ve just been kinda quiet here on my blog and have been wanting to write something, but I didn’t want to sound all negative. Then I remembered that I don’t want it to look like everything in my life is perfect on the internet, because I’m just a real person trying to get through this thing called life, and maybe sharing what I’m going through will help someone else along the way or make someone feel a little bit less alone.
So. May you feel less alone today if you are feeling overwhelmed and like you’re not doing enough and are scattered and guilty and putting all the pressure on yourself. If you’re feeling stressed. Negative. Tired. Depleted. Frustrated.
It’s ok. I’m there with you. But let’s cut this crap out, what do you say? I’m over it and am ready to say hello to some new positive vibes! ;)